Dark days

I think I'm going to have a hard time this winter.

This will be our fifth winter here, and the first one so far that I'm struggling with.

The days have been getting shorter and shorter, and it's coming up to the time of the year when we only have a few hours of light each day. Right now, it's 4.30 and the sun's already set. And it's going to get steadily darker and colder for the next six weeks.

It's so frustrating, having such a short daylight period. I would like to go for a bike ride now, for instance, but cycling through the dark is not terribly pleasant - one can't exactly appreciate the scenery. And during the work week, it's dark by the time I get home. I feel sorry for the lower sixth students; this will be the first year that they'll have to go home in the dark - college ends 45 minutes later than their schools did, and most of them - specially the ones from south London - have quite a trip home.

Ugh.

One plus about the current season is that it's not difficult to get up in time to see the sun rise. We went for a run yesterday morning; it was beautiful. Blue sky, sun (albeit sun with no heat in it). Slightly spoiled by the fact that I have a hacking cough, so had to stop every now and then to gasp and wheeze...





I do enjoy seeing the seasons change.

It's just the dark gets me down...

And I'm slightly stressed about some work issues. I don't have a single difficult student (touch wood), I'm on top of my prep, my marking is more or less under control - but I'm having minor difficulties with a colleague. I probably shouldn't write about it here, but he is behaving quite unprofessionally, and I don't know what, if anything, to do about it. The issue is, we share a class (each teach 50% of the contact sessions) and I found out that he's making undermining remarks about me to the class. They told me that he suggested to them that they play what he calls "teacher tennis" to see their behaviour would affect my teaching. This is something he mentioned to me before - where one side of the class is noisy, so the teacher focuses her attention on them, then the other side is noisy, so the teacher focuses there - etc etc - like a tennis game, back and forth. The student who told me this said "but it didn't work, you seemed to clock what was going on as soon as we started, and you sat down at the front of the class and started calling on individuals". Now, I have no recollection of this incident, and I'm grateful that my classroom management skills were obviously enough to nip it in the bud. But - how unprofessional of him to suggest such a thing to the class! And, how do I know what's he's going to say or do next? I have no idea how to deal with this - whether to say something to him, or just leave it, or tell someone else ... the particularly awkward thing is that he is the head of department. I have visions of, if I mention it to him, then him going back to the class and telling them not to let on next time he does something similar... I would never dream of talking about another teacher to a class, let alone suggesting ways to make their life difficult!

Ugh.

Six more weeks till Christmas break...

Busy!

I woke up able to walk, so we took the train to Charing Cross Road and had fun in the bookshops.

Stephen has If Minds Had Toes, Sophie has The Carbon Diaries 2015, Emily has Finding Violet Park, and I have The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

We felt bad about not getting a book for Bobby, but he has a whole pile next to the bed that he's working his way through, so he really doesn't need one... We did buy him a little box of tamarind chilli sweets from China Town, though - thought he'd like them as he likes spicy things but alas, they are rather vile. Like those dried fruit snacks we used to get in South Africa for lunch boxes, the ones with sugar on the outside - only burny and nasty. Poor Bobs. Stuck at work, and with a horrible present to boot.

After we'd been to the bookstores, and had a cup of coffee, and bought our customary samosa from our favourite cafe, and wandered through China Town, we watched the person on the 4th plinth in Trafalagar Square for a while. The fourth plinth is used for temporary works of art, and the current one is Anthony Gormley's conception - random people stand up there for an hour each and do whatever they like. Seems like it could be pretty interesting, but when we were there the woman on the plinth was not making the most of her time up there. She has a thermos (of tea?), and was throwing sweets at the onlookers. Not terribly thought provoking, really. Here she is...



By the time we got home again, my back was hurting quite badly, which meant that we had to take the car to see the Harry Potter movie, which, despite all the nitpicky reviews, we all enjoyed very much indeed.

So that was yesterday. A good way to start Sophie's summer holiday - term only ended for her yesterday, though the rest of us have been on holiday for a while. Today's been equally busy, though not nearly as fun. We had Emily's appointment with the endocrinologist (she's still growing beautifully, and we'll keep things as they are till the next check-up in six months time), the vacuum cleaner repair guy had to come (at least Dyson has good service) and Emily had to be taken to (and fetched from) a party in creepy-Crawly this afternoon(laser-hub and then a movie). All well and fine, except that to my horror, as I went through the pile of documents-to-be-dealt-with, efficiently making pap smear appointments and sorting out pension stuff, I realised that our car's tax disc needed to be renewed two weeks ago. And in order to do that, its annual MOT (roadworthiness test) has to be done. Shit. So much for my efficiency. The first slot I can get is for next Wednesday - Sophie's birthday - and we really shouldn't drive the car meanwhile. What a nuisance! And then, to add insult to injury, the next letter I opened was a speeding fine. For Bobby, last week when we went to the beach - 36 miles in a 30 zone. £60 and 3 points on his licence - ugh!!!!

The only good thing about today is that my back is hardly sore at all. With any luck, if I rest up tomorrow, I'll be back to normal this weekend...

double ow

So we did end up going out last night, despite my messed up back.

We drove to the station - felt rather pathetic to drive, but I couldn't walk. Only problem was, there ended up being more walking than I'd counted on at the other end. I had taken a large dose of ibuprofen before we left so it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was still pretty unpleasant.

We ate at Mirch Masala - the choice of the Indian couple we were with. They seemed to feel that the food was pretty much what they would have got at home, so they were happy. They don't seem to be terribly adventurous when it comes to food - their main aim seems to be to find food as similar to what they have at home as possible. If I were them, I'd be eating at as many different places as I could! Anyhow, it was an enjoyable evening overall.

When I woke up today I felt like my back was a lot better - sadly, that turned out not to be true. It's really, really sore tonight. Sore enough that, now that I am in the bedroom, I'm not going to go downstairs again this evening. Stairs really hurt me at the moment, so the two floors between me and the living room are an impassable barrier right now. I am wondering whether I should go to see the doctor tomorrow, but I strongly suspect that she'll just tell me to take some ibuprofen and rest, so it might be a pointless trip...

In other news Steve put our new bookshelves together today; it was quite an undertaking for him. They look really good; can't wait to fill them up with books! Speaking of which, if by some miracle I wake up in the morning and am fine, we are going to go to the bookstores on Charing Cross Road, and maybe Camden market. Cross fingers...

The only downside to the new shelves is that the TV is stranded in the middle of the carpet, awaiting a cable extension so that it can be moved to the opposite corner of the room. We ignored the bookshelf boxes for four days till Steve caved in and assembled them; how long will we manage to ignore the beached-whale TV? However, aesthetics aside, I'm in no hurry to get it reconnected - with the TV in its current unwatchable state, Sophie can't indulge her addiction to ghastly reruns of 8 Simple Rules. Heh.

Ow

In retrospect, believing that the slight twinge in my hip which I felt when I started running this morning would get stretched out and disappear during the course of my run was a mistake.

I ran - slowly - for maybe a mile, maybe slightly less. And then the pain increased to the point where I had to stop and walk home.

The one bright point in the outing was that the field where I finally gave up and realised that I would have to stop running was covered in white butterflies ... truly beautiful.

When I got home, I took some ibuprofen, and had a go at weeding the vegetable patch. I suspect that the weeding may have been mistake number two.

Because when I tried to walk upstairs afterwards, I couldn't. The pain is in my right hip/bum and, though it feels fine as long as I don't put any weight on that side of my body, it's extremely painful as soon as I do. This is going to make tonight awkward, because Bobby and I are supposed to be taking the train to Croydon and meeting people at a restaurant to say goodbye to one of his colleagues who's going back to India. I really want to go, but I am really not sure I can walk to the station. I've taken more ibuprofen and am hoping that it will kick in shortly...

So annoying!

Place marker...

Time is short as usual. But I want to be able to remember what we've up been up to recently, so, quickly -

I've finished with the observations for my PGCE. One last Tuesday, one yesterday. Both went very well, all boxes ticked (and that's a lot of boxes, trust me), so I've officially passed the practical part of my course. Now I just have to hand in a wodge of assignments. June 1st is D Day. Aaargh.

Am wrestling with forms for Steve's student loan. Why oh why am I not better at filing official documents? I am definitely losing the plot a bit; keep tracking down documents and then re-losing them. Aaargh.

Am probably going to be teaching across two faculties next year. Aaargh.

Am feeling ill and tired. Probably not swine flu, more likely an allergic reaction to the fact that I have to interact with AndyPandy, my PGCE supervisor, tonight. And have to drive to bloody Weybridge in order to do so. Aaargh.

On the plus side, we spent a beautiful sunny Saturday with my folks in Beccles. First time in ages we've had a whole day of R&R. It was lovely. And we've planted some tomato plants, some carrots, and a solitary runner bean. Hope they don't die, we are quite besotted with them. Also, went for a really nice run on Monday morning. Who'd have thought I'd ever say "nice" and "run" in the same sentence??

The only bad Friday...

...is the last Friday of the holidays. Back to work on Monday - oh the horror.

It's not that I don't like my job, I do. But these next few weeks are going to be grim. I am slogging my way through my PGCE assignments, I have two lesson observations, and it's three weeks till my students write their exams. So I am stressed. I have a tension headache pretty much all the time...

And my stress is nothing compared to Bobby's. This new role is really not what he signed up for. He worked 18 hours yesterday. Eighteen hours! So much for the better work/life balance we wanted! He's going to have to work those kind of crazy hours for the next ten days; by the end of next weekend he should know if all his hard work has paid off. He's finding it massively stressful, not so much for his own sake, but because he feels responsible for the other people working on the project. If it fails, they will lose their jobs. I can see why he feels like this; on the other hand, though, he's only been involved in this project for a few weeks - the problems weren't created by him, and he hasn't got enough time to fix them. And it won't help anyone if he burns himself out completely...

We are both still running three or four mornings a week to try to counteract the stress. It does make for a good start to the day, being out in the fresh air, listening to the birds and watching the bunnies in the fields. But once the run is over the stress comes back...

Poor Steve is stressed too. It's the final runup to his exams and he has a lot of work to get through. And a lot riding on these exams.

At least the girls are well and happy. Sophie had a sleepover here last night (much giggling; I'm glad our bedroom is up in the loft - they were up later than Bobby was!) and is seeing a movie with a different friend this afternoon. Milly has been doing a version of Come Dine With Me with her friends; it's her turn tomorrow night so she's been trialling her dishes on us. They are delicious (prawn curry puffs for the starter, tandoori chicken for the main course, and mini mint chocolate cupcakes and chocolate dipped strawberries for the dessert) - let's hope she can recreate them on the night!

Ugh. I'm cold... And it's grey and horrible and drizzly outside today, which doesn't help my mood. I had better get on and finish up the lesson preparation I've been procrastinating; I know I'll feel better when it's out of the way. If I can just resist the temptation to have "just one quick round" of Scramble ... I curse the day I installed it on my iPod, it's freakishly addictive.

Shear Horror!

Christ, I could have done a better job on my own hair, blindfolded and with a pair of blunt nail scissors! There's a bloody great bald patch above my left ear!

My hairdresser has left the salon, gone to who knows where, so I took a chance with her replacement this morning. Turns out, that was a mistake.

I should really go back and complain but I can't be bothered to walk into town again right now and besides, I'm not sure what I want to achieve. Do I want my money back, or do I just want to make New Girl feel guilty? It's not something she could fix, even if I were prepared to let her anywhere near my head with a cutting implement.

Not a happy bunny

I am stressed.

First of all, there's the dreaded job interview. It's on Tuesday, and I'm a nervous wreck. If I don't get it, I am going to be really miserable. Not least because I genuinely think I'd be better in the job than the other candidate.

Secondly, Bobby is finding his new work role highly stressful. He's very anxious and very tense.

Plus, he has a meeting this morning in which he will learn whether or not he's in the 50% of people who are being let go. He thinks he will probably be okay, but there's still an element of doubt. And, he is worried as he suspects that one of our close friends is going to be on the hit-list.

And finally, Sophie's ill. Her teacher noticed her go faint and dizzy in class yesterday, and the same thing happened this morning at home. She was quite unnerved by the experience - she said she couldn't see all of a sudden. And she has a headache and a sore throat. So I'm taking her to the doctor this morning. Which is not as straightforward as it sounds, since we have one car and now that Bobby's taken on this new role he needs it. We could either walk to the doctor's surgery - it's not very far - or, if she's feeling too poorly, we'll have to take a cab. Fortunately, I am not teaching until this afternoon, so at least I don't have to arrange any cover lessons or inconvenience anyone.

Seems like our lifeplan is falling apart a bit. We came here with the idea that Bobby would take a lower-paid job, he'd be home early in the evenings, and he'd be relieved of all the work stress he had in Florida. And our plan worked well. But now, thanks to the economic crisis that I'm so sick of reading about, his job is even more stressful than the one he left in Florida, and he's working late every evening and going in early every day, so we're back at square one, only without the big salary!

Aaaargh.

Lazy afternoon

I have spent this afternoon lying on the bed, enjoying the afternoon sun coming through the loft windows, and reading Tea Time for the Traditionally Built. It has been extremely pleasant to spend a whole afternoon doing nothing much. I think the last time I enjoyed this particular luxury must have been in the summer.

I did get up early this morning though - early enough that the ducks and swans were all still asleep when I ran around the pond - and I tackled the last run of week 6 of the couch to 5k program. (That's the day that requires you to run for 25 minutes without stopping.) And I did it! Slowly, mind you ... but still, there's absolutely no way I could have done that six weeks ago. So I'm pleased about that, and looking forward to next week's runs.

After breakfast I had to go shopping for a new interview outfit. On the plus side, I did eventually manage to find an outfit I liked. I couldn't have done it without the girls - they were a great source of moral support and helpful advice during the choosing process. I'm so glad I have daughters as well as a son. On the minus side, the shopping took up the whole morning. Ugh. Oh the stress... I have an interview, not this Tuesday but the next one, and I would very much like to get the job. I feel anxious and butterfly-y and sweaty palmed just thinking about it...

Anyway, so this afternoon has been a much-needed antidote to all the work stress.

Tomorrow's going to have to be a work-day, I think; I have masses of prep to do...

Good news and bad

It looks as though Bobby is probably keeping his job. Which is good.

What is less good is the reason we know he's probably keeping his job - he will have to go to Bangalore for eight weeks, starting March 1st. (We can't see them wasting their money sending him overseas for eight weeks if they don't plan to keep him on.)

Also not good is the fact that some of his friends at work are pretty sure that they're in the firing line. One was initially down to go to Bangalore as well; the fact that his name's off the list is ominous.

Obviously, I'm immensely relieved that his job is looking okay. At least until the recession bites even deeper. But - eight weeks? 56 days? That's one sixth of a year! It's forever, practically! We were consoling ourselves earlier this evening with the thought that he doesn't have to go for ages yet - then we counted up the days and realised that, if he leaves on the 1st of March, that's 36 days away. And he'll be gone that length of time and then another three weeks on top of it! How will we ever survive?

Slumdog Millionaire

We went to see Slumdog Millionaire on Friday night, and it was excellent.

Intense, and disturbing. But excellent. And very funny, in places. We had thought of going as a family but then realised it had a 15 rating. And I have to say, the rating is justified - I would definitely not have wanted Sophie to see this film. Far too upsetting for children.

Among other things, the film made me grateful that we live in a place where the gap between the haves and the have-nots is not - on the whole - too huge.

It was a very good evening in general; Bobby and I went out to dinner beforehand, just the two of us, at our favourite Indian restaurant. The food's great, and they always give us a free liqueur afterwards, so what's not to like? I'm glad that, even though we've been married for more than half my life, we still look forward to our date nights.

So that was good.

Saturday, though, was not. We discovered that the girls had nits, and practically the whole day was taken up by going through their heads with the proverbial fine-toothed comb. Now I see why all those Victorian workhouses shaved the orphan's heads. It took bloody hours - only someone who truly loved their child would bother. All the websites said that it's not necessary to do anything special to bed linen and so forth but I was so utterly grossed out by the whole thing that I've washed everything on the hottest possible wash. Shudder. I checked their heads again today, and it all seems okay. Touch wood. Yuck.

And today's been blah as well. I had essays to finish for Weybridge, and work to do for tomorrow, and I worked inefficiently (Facebook doesn't help with this sort of thing) so work plus chores (the dreaded ironing) took up pretty much the whole day.

This coming week I'm going to work smarter, so that my weekend is clear.

140

That's how many people are to be made redundant at Bobby's work within the next couple of months. Out of 310.

Bobby seems to feel reasonably confident that he'll be one of the survivors. But who knows, really?

No point in worrying, I suppose, so I will be putting a lot of effort into my tried and trusted strategies of denial and repression over the next while. They've served me well in the past, no reason to believe they'll let me down now.

I hope I don't need a "recession" tag for this blog.

Ending the evening with a bang!

I knew we should have taken the Christmas decorations down last night when we were supposed to. My mom always said that if they stay up past twelfth night, the hobgoblins would get us and we'd have bad luck for the rest of the year.

So there we were, vacumming the last of the tinselly strands out of the livingroom carpet this evening, when all of a sudden a panicky Stephen came hurtling down the stairs in search of help. His laptop - which had been switched off - had caught fire, and was merrily burning away on his bed. Bobby ran upstairs and came down with the computer, which he deposited on the driveway, where it sat, 30 cm high flames and all. Meanwhile Stephen was dousing his smouldering mattress with water, and our house was filled with disgusting toxic smoke.

Amazingly, none of us was hurt during all this frantic running about with burning hardware, despite Roly doing his normal cat thing of trying to kill us on the stairs by twining around our legs. And the only thing damaged is Stephen's bedding and mattress. Well, apart from his computer, which is no more. When we'd all calmed down, Bobby look at its remnants smouldering on the driveway and said to Steve "I think your essay may be lost."

It's minus four outside, but obviously we had to open all the windows and doors to try to get rid of the smoke in the house - it was really nasty.

And, during all this drama, our smoke alarm, which goes off practically every time we make toast, didn't even peep.

It seems that somehow the battery in Steve's computer caught fire. We've googled it, and there've been loads of battery recalls - though not of the model we have. The thing that unnerves us is that we have two other identical computers in the house. Are they about to catch fire too? Bobby phoned PC World (where we bought the computers) and they were utterly unhelpful, since the computers are one month out of warrantly. Basically they said that they hadn't had any other similar reports, and that they weren't interested in whether our other computers might be at risk, that they wouldn't assess them, and that it wasn't their problem in any way shape or form. We'll write a letter of complaint but meanwhile it's a bit anxiety provoking. What if it happens again while we're out? Or while we're asleep?

It's a good feeling!

My lesson observation went very well! The students were really into all the activities, despite their state of sugared-up elfen cheer, and they stayed focused right till the end of the lesson. A pretty good achievement for the last two periods of the day - especially a day where the normal routine had been replaced by dressing up and dance contests! I'm so happy it's over (and even more happy that it was a success). It's been hanging over me for ages; at last I can start getting properly Christmassy!

Tomorrow'll be a piece of cake - lessons are half the normal length, so we finish at lunch-time - then it's the Christmas lunch, and then I'm going to Ikea with the family to buy my birthday present. (I want a comfy chair for our bedroom). Many (okay, all) at work were incredulous when I declined going to the pub for an end-of-term drink in favour of going to Ikea ... what can I say, Ikea's my drug of choice!

... picking up again after a short break....

AAAARGH! That was close! Soph's at the Year 7 Christmas disco thing at school, and we had to pick her and her friend Anna from down the road up at ten to eight - the time got away from me as I was typing this, and when I glanced at the clock it was already quarter to! Thank goodness we live close to the school! I really do need a holiday, I'm clearly starting to lose the plot a bit...

Aaaargh!

Too much to do, too little time! Aaaaaaargh!

I really, really, want it to be Friday.

Ugh

I am miserable. My throat hurts, my nose is streaming, I keep coughing, my glands are swollen, and my limbs feel tired and sore. In short, I have a cold. A bad cold. If I were a man I would be in hospital.

I do not have time to have a cold. I have an assignment that must be written by Wednesday, and I have lessons that must be planned by Monday. But my brain feels like it's filled with cottonwool and I ache too much to sit at my desk. Walking Sophie to gymnastics this morning was a mistake; it made me feel so grim that I went to bed as soon as I walked back through the door.

Ugh.

What a waste of a weekend!

(Why yes, it is true that I don't cope well with illness! How did you you guess?)

Losing the plot

Over the past few days, I've got appointment times wrong. I've mislaid my wallet. I've left my office key at home. I've prepared lessons, then forgotten that I'd prepared them and redone them. I've gone to the cupboard to make dinner and found that the pasta I was sure was there was not there.

Even by my standards, this is ridiculous.

Either I have early onset dementia or - probably more likely - I currently have too much on my plate. Work is hectic. I'm teaching two subjects, plus I have key skills people to take care of this year (don't ask, it's boring - and time-consuming). Then there's all the admin that goes along with the pastoral side of teaching. The forms! The letters! The interim report data entry! Plus the dreaded PGCE work. Assignments, lesson observations, reflections on lesson observations... I feel weak and a touch panicky even thinking about it.

I just keep telling myself, if I can only get through this year, life will get easier.

On the plus side, the children are all in happy phases which makes life much easier. Of course they too add to the hectic-ness of life. But in a good way.

It's supposed to rain this weekend, and I have (as usual) a ridiculous amount of work to do. But, Bobby and I planning a date-night for tomorrow, so that'll lighten the gloom. Can't wait!

up and down ...and round and round...

The picture was taken last Sunday, in Ashdown Forest (home of Winnie the Pooh). The autumn sunshine has been glorious; I've been savouring it before British Summer Time officially ends next week and the days go short and dark.

It's been a busy week, what with work and Weybridge and the odd social event, and I'm tired. Tired, and moody. I feel frustrated that this weekend is already over, and angry with myself for not making the most of it. We did plenty of things that would normally make me happy, but I didn't enjoy anything much. I felt irritable and on edge instead of my normal self. Bobby is moody too, which doesn't help. I always feel that only one of us should be allowed to feel out of sorts at any given time.

But, the week after this one is our half-term break, and Bobby'll be on leave too, so, with any luck, that'll re-energise us. We're meeting up with friends in Cornwall; should be good (if cold; we're supposed to be camping!). But the day after we get back to college I'm being observed again - by two people at the same time; one observer from Greenwich Uni and one from college - so I am going to have to do quite a bit of work over the break.

Oh well. Bobby's made soup for supper and it smells lovely so I'm going downstairs to eat, and to watch Stephen Fry putter through the South with the family. And everything is ready for the forthcoming week - the house is clean, our clothes are ironed, and my lesson preparation is done - so I can relax with a clear conscience.

One more week!

Weak-ly shopping

I just did our weekly grocery shop (we order online, usually from Sainsbury's) and I'm irritated by the fact that every week things cost a little more. During the holidays we have time to shop around - I've found some fabulous bargains at Lidl, for instance (and the opportunities to make bad jokes when shopping here are irresistable ... a Lidl of this, a lidl of that? Every Lidl helps!) - but during the school term, time is so precious that I really begrudge the couple of hours that physically going to the grocery store takes us. If prices keep going up, though, we may have to abandon online shopping and schlep out to Lidl or Aldi every week...

Our meals for this week will be:

• quorn mince - some kind of chilli-esque dish


• black beans and rice


• beef stew


• veg curry


• pasta and pesto sauce


• soya burgers


• soup and garlic bread

and the ingredients for that lot, plus fruit, salad stuff, extra veggies, eggs and flour, came to just about £100. Ridiculous, considering we still have to buy toiletries, detergent etc on top of that... I'm almost tempted to give freeganism a go. I bet there's loads of good stuff in the bins behind M&S...

Ain't no sunshine now....

Friday night was fun. We went on a boat trip down the Thames - celebratory work do because we have recently been admitted as a member of an elite group of colleges. Dinner, drink, and dancing; good times.

Today, not so good.

The rain is beating on the loft windows, and my feet are chilly, even though I'm wearing socks.

I'm supposed to be working but I'm in that mode where I can't get going because there just seems too much to do and I don't know where to start. I've got a lesson observation on Tuesday, which means that I must submit the lesson plan and all the supporting documentation by 9am tomorrow. I'm about half-way through planning it, but I keep dithering about exactly which fabulous teaching strategies I should include, which means that I keep adding new activities, then taking them out again. Plus, I have all my normal non-observed lessons to plan for the forthcoming week, a large pile of marking to get through, and a PGCE assignment to tackle. Not to mention the ironing.

Ugh.

Okay, stopping procrastinating now... If I put my mind to it, I should be able to get the observed lesson out of the way by lunch-time, and then I'll feel better...