So ... haven't really felt like writing much ... too busy, and too scattered ... all the worry, and the travel preparations, and then the normal homeschooling things ... it feels so odd to do things like go to park days with the homeschool group when I'm in such turmoil.

I have a new ticket - I fly to London on the 27th, arrive there on the morning of the 28th, and then take a coach down to Bath, where my parents will meet me. They live in Bradford-upon-Avon, which is only about six miles away from Bath.

There is so much I need to do to get ready that I find myself not doing any of it. It just seems too much to tackle.

First - and probably least importantly - I feel that the scary areas of the house need to be made pleasant if we're going to have a sitter here day-in and day-out for two weeks. So thus far I've de-icked the big outside closet on the verandah, the pantry, the linen cupboard, our closet, the girls' closet, and the cupboard under the sink. The only scary places left are the fridge and Stephen's entire room. I cringe at the thought of the sitter walking in to a messy home in the morning - Bobby and the kids have very different standards to mine - but I think I probably need to let that issue go as soon as I walk out of the door on the 27th. After all, there's nothing I can do to help them, other than getting the place organised so they're off to a good start.

Then there's the visa issue. We have received the visa approval notice (thank goodness) but in order to get back into the country, one needs to have a visa actually put into one's passport. This means a visit to the embassy or consulate for an interview (should be nominal, but you never know, sometimes the officials can be difficult, I believe), and then a return visit to collect the passport. And only yesterday did I get round to thinking about the logistics of doing this. I had a look at the US embassy's website (which is in London), and the visa appointment line can only be called from within London, and for a charge of a pound thirty a minute, which seems ridiculous to me. My cousin (who lives in London) very sweetly called them for me, and set up an appointment for June 8th - the first slot they had available. I could kick myself for not having thought to organise this earlier : they say on their website to allow for five to seven days processing time before you can collect your passport again. And I'm supposed to fly home on Tuesday 15. I suppose if the worst comes to the worst I'll just have to change my flight, but I'm sure there'll be a huge penalty fee for that ... Not to mention the fact that almost as soon as I get home, we drive up to Atlanta for Em to compete in the Divisional climbing competition, and I'd absolutely hate to miss that.

So I'm worrying about whether the visa won't be granted on some bizarre techicnicality - for instance, Bobby's company changed its name, so maybe they'll object because it's not the same name as on the original application (the visa is only valid for work with your original employer) AndI'm worrying that even if it is processed, I won't get it in time. And I'm worrying that I may forget one of the thousand-and-one supporting documents and photographs that I need. Or lose them all en route. Oh, and I'm worrying about getting up to London (which is 2 or 3 hours away from Bradford-upon-Avon) and finding the place and being there on time ...

Then there's the whole growth hormone thing : the nurse who handles the ordering for growth hormone has been out of the office for the past week, so no-one has returned any of my (many) calls ... I need to find out when the stuff is going to arrive, and when the training is going to be scheduled ... At this rate, it seems like Emmy may have to wait till I get back to start, as it'll obviously be much better for both Bobby and I to undergo the training.

Oh, and then (speaking of worrying) I went into a major hypochondriacal spin yesterday and convinced myself that I probably had cancer of the colon and/or uterus ... Of course the doctor said nope, he didn't think so, he thought IBS exacerbated by stress. Which I think is right, because that in itself was soothing enough that almost all the symptoms have disappeared again. I did have to have some blood work done - a thryoid panel, and something to do with liver function? I'm not sure. Anyway, the blood draw was weird - I felt the initial prick, and that was fine. But then my whole arm started this horrible ache, all the way down from my bicep muscle down to my hand. It was so sore! I don't know what the heck that girl did to me, but it was horrible. My arm ached all yesterday, and keeps twinging today as well. There's a monster bruise, too. Bizarre.

All of these worries, I guess, are just distractions from the real worry about my mom ... if I get myself caught up in all these smaller issues, I forget about the big one and it's easier to keep going.

I also had a pap smear done yesterday (first time since March 2001, bad me). I chose the ob-gyn quite randomly - there's an ob-gyn practice associated with our family doctor's practice, so I thought it would be easiest to just see them, as they're in the same building. I was completely unnerved when I actually met the gyn - I'd assumed (don't know why) that it'd be a woman, and, well, he wasn't. But actually he was very sweet, and I didn't feel awkward during the exam. And pap smear itself wasn't at all uncomfortable. Plus, I liked his nurse, too. One thing that I didn'tlike - seems that, on this side of the atlantic, you don't have to strip and change into an unflattering scratchy cotton gown. Nope - instead, once you've stripped, you don an enormous paper towel. A vaguely robe-shaped paper towel, that is open down the front. Delightful.

The gynaecologist recommended that I do a baseline mammogram as soon as I get back to the states, because my own chances of developing breast cancer have just got significantly higher. On the one hand, obviously I want to catch any tumours while they're still tiny. On the other hand, I know my mom was religious about having her mammograms done (ever since she had a cyst removed 12 or 13 years ago) and it didn't help her ... In fact, I've read some literature that seems to link mammograms with increased rates of breast cancer. Now whether that link is present because women who're more at risk of developing breast cancer are more likely to have mammograms, or whether the radiation from the mammogram actually contributes to causing breast cancer is not clear. I should probabably do some reading.