Some of the place names round here really are ridiculous.

I discovered, perusing the property supplement of the free weekly broadsheet, that there is a town not too far from here called Downside. Seems like asking for depression, to live there.

Then there's Dorking - dork as a verb, I presume.

And Leatherhead, which sounds like an insult.

Bletchingley - sounds like someone is throwing up.

Ewell - something you might say if you came across something nasty. See above.

Newdigate - I actually didn't believe Sophie when she said that one of her friends lived in Newdigate; I thought she must have misheard. But no, it is indeed Newdigate, which (at least as pronounced by Sophie's friend) is said as "nudey-gate", so that one can't help picturing a colony of pallid chilly English nudists.

Mole Valley has a certain charm to it, though. And so does Ottershaw.