I'm totally regretting embarking on this whole house thing. Totally and utterly.

If it weren't for the house thing, we'd all be going to Sacramento, no big deal. Because of the house, though, we can only afford to send one adult. Can't even really afford that, if the truth be told. And Bobby is utterly miserable that he's not the one going.

I got really angry with him this morning. Sheesh, we went through all the options again and again last night. I told him that he should at least speak to people at work and see how busy they were going to be next week - but no. He didn't want to do that; he was sure it was out of the question for him to go. So we booked the ticket in my name, and he was miserable. Miserable last night, and miserable when he got up this morning. Grey and gloomy and depressed, and (I suspect) brooding about his life as a wage-slave and feeling sad that I haven't written a hugely successful novel that will support all of us and allow him to retire. I told him he should just go already, he said no no he couldn't, and so it went. Finally, just as he left for work, he agreed to call around and find out who's going to be in town next week and what meetings are scheduled, so that he can see if, after all, it would be possible for him to go. It's not that huge of a big deal, for goodness sake, it means missing a day and a half of work.

So, I'm waiting to hear back from him. Meanwhile, I just called to see if I could change the tickets : looks like I can, as long as I do it today.

Honestly. Why couldn't he just come right out and say how big of a deal the trip was to him in the first place, instead of having me make all the arrangements, and now possibly have to un-make them? So much time and effort would have been saved if he'd just been open and direct about the whole thing. Yes, we both want to go - a lot. But it seems clear to me that it's more important to him than it is to me, and if he'd just been upfront about it instead of all martyred things would have been a lot less complicated.

I just hope he actually makes a decent effort to speak to the person who he may need to meet with next week, and doesn't give up when he can't find his phone number or something ridiculous.

I love him incredibly, and I love that he is a sensitive person and a devoted father but all this emotional angst is tiring me out right now.